More family

I met my brother, finally, a week ago. Half-brother, technically: my father’s son by a different mother, nine years older than I. I’ve known of him since I was a kid, but neither of my parents wanted to talk about him, or bring him into our lives, I guess. Or maybe the relatives he lived with didn’t want that. A couple of years ago, his son got in touch with me via Facebook, and after a long time of me hemming and hawing, I met my nephew and then, finally, my sister and I went to dinner to meet our brother, along with his son, his son’s wife, and their son. (Six people in a booth at a family restaurant. Cozy.) Brother is a nice guy, they’re all cool people from what I can tell. Conversation had awkward moments and earnest moments. I have to say that in situations like this, having a 7-year-old around helps because you can always let him distract you. (Cute kid, he is.) Where things go from here, I don’t know. We don’t actually have much of a shared past, so we have to build something going forward. I hope it’s more than additional Christmas cards in December.

The main reason I’m writing about this, which is more personal than most things I write about here, is that it’s really the high point of the last month or so. I regret very much that all these decades passed and we never connected. It would’ve been nice if my parents could’ve been a bit more open about things, but it’s like … I dunno, I guess there was no way they were ever going to say anything. Yeah, I know it was the 1960s, but it’s not as if people didn’t have more than one marriage or had children from arrangements that weren’t the traditional ones. Even if they couldn’t say anything then, what about when Lisa and I were adults and “could handle” the truth? I have a lot of bad feelings about this, and no way to resolve it with the people who can actually answer for it. Everyone who could fill in details is gone. I guess all I’m doing now is venting (and not doing so very well, I fear).

It’ll work out somehow, someday. In the meantime, there are new people in my life, to some extent, and we have the present and the future.


About songdogmi

I'm a longhaired almost-hippie stuck in the inner suburbs of a major rust-belt metropolis who's thoughtful, creative, and kind of geeky. In exchange for a paycheck I run around in a cubicle maze most days. When I escape, I play music, hang out in coffee houses, dink around on the computer, take naps, and think I should be off in the woods somewhere. Every once in a while I get in my car and drive far, far away, though I've always come back so far.
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4 Responses to More family

  1. maxauburn says:

    Venting is a good thing; even volcanoes must do it from time to time.

    I guess, if you were in a TV show, this would be the season where new characters were written into the series to make things more interesting! 🙂

    • songdogmi says:

      That’s a good way to look at it! “For the 53rd season of The Songdog Show, look for [insert middle aged, good looking actor] in a recurring role as Charlie’s brother!” I’m thinking a younger, slightly more slender version of Sam Elliot, actually. Well, the facial hair would be right.

  2. changeling72 says:

    I can understand the anger over what has been missing from the past. But what a gift! I have often fantasised about having a long lost brother or sister.

    • songdogmi says:

      I can see that. It seems like it would’ve been great to have another sibling. My brother being 9 years older, I suppose I would’ve been more like the bratty little brother who’s in the way while he wants to do cool stuff. But hey. 🙂

      I’ve an older half-sister too. I actually met her when I was a little kid, when my family went out to visit with hers once. At the time, I probably didn’t exactly realize she was my sister, and not an aunt. She’s older than my mom was, so it was probably awkward in some way for the adults. I think her kids are also older than me by quite a bit, too. But we fell out of touch, again, for reasons I do not know.

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