In 2013, I resolve to:
1. Develop a machine that humanely transforms boring but abundant birds (house sparrows, starlings) into interesting birds (song sparrows, wood thrushes).
2. Learn to Tweet in 130 characters, since brevity is the soul of wit (if Lord Polonius is to be believed) and I need all the help I can get.
3. Find a new use for most of the presets on my car’s AM radio, since therre are only four good stations and I have ten presets. Am considering sub-leasing.
4. Just drop in to see what condition my condition is in.
5. Undertake research to find out just why the hell the LP, of all things, has had a resurgence in the 21st century.
6. Release a heavy metal tribute to the music of Tiny Tim.
7. Evolve self-clipping fingernails.
8. Refine and perfect the fine art of the nap, possibly publishing how-to videos.